The Scene staff
Like the 2017 “MeToo” movement, a current social-media trend tries to get men empathizing with women’s concerns.
People are asked to imagine a scenario in which they are stranded in the woods with a man and a bear. Afterward, they’re tasked with deciding which they’d choose.
It might appear obvious at first, but the process of answering is far more complex, with many choosing the bear.
The trend led Stanzi Potenza, who is known across various social-media platforms, to post a video skit titled “Man vs Bear (extended).” The influencer and comedian plays three characters: a woman, a man and a bear.
The man mocks the woman for choosing an animal over a man, causing her to admit feeling uneasy around him, questioning if he’d been following her. Annoyed by her insinuation, the man reacts aggressively with name-calling and excuses.
The harassment persists, and the bear steps in, calling out the man’s inappropriate behavior. It explains that women don’t face victim-blaming when attacked by bears, in contrast to those assaulted by men.
The bear continues by pointing out that women don’t live in fear of bears following, drugging or attacking them upon rejection. Finally, it advises the man to focus on becoming somebody women would choose over a bear, then escorts the woman away.
Although a work of fiction, the video’s point still stands. All it takes is a quick web search to see that many women feel unsafe today. The data’s there. They haven’t felt secure in a long time.
Sadly, cis-women aren’t the only ones sharing these types of feelings. It’s an issue that’s been addressed by gay influencer and musician Sir Carter, whose username is @sirthestar on both TikTok and Instagram.
comedian and influencer plays a woman, a bear and a man.
In a May 8 video, he’s heard complimenting a woman off-camera. She sounds uncomfortable in her response and mentions that she has a boyfriend. The influencer then uses the “gayest voice” he can to make her feel safe.
Later, @sirthestar recalls the encounter from inside his car, saying it made him sad that the woman was scared, and noting that he’d also choose the bear over another man. In a May 25 video, @sirthestar is shown walking down a street, enjoying the day until he is catcalled by another man, who begins following him. Soon, the man grows hostile to the influencer for rejecting his advances and begins insulting him.
Again, the camera cuts to @sirthestar inside his car. He recounts how the harassment persisted until he accepted the guy’s phone to add his contact number. (He adds the number for a mental-health line instead of his own.)
Though @sirthestar doesn’t explicitly mention the “man-or-bear” trend this time, commenters allude to it by asking, “So even the gays aren’t safe?”
It’s widely believed that the roots of this social-media trend go back to a video created by an anonymous influencer whose username is @callmebkbk. Interestingly, he clarified on TikTok that his message was more of a statement instead of a question.
“I never presented it as a ‘Would-You–Rather?’ question because I already knew that women were picking the bear and men were picking the man,” he stated.
The influencer explained that he had introduced the topic at the end of his March 12 video, telling viewers that being alone with a man “is ten times scarier than seeing a bear.” He brought it up again on March 19 in response to someone’s reaction.
In the video, @callmebk delves deeper into the topic, clarifying why men are scarier.
“Girls are taught that if a man tries to abduct them by pushing them into a van or something like that, they should fight with everything they have and that it’s better to die on the street than get in that van for whatever happens next,” he says.
The influencer further notes that women are instructed to use their nails and teeth to collect and leave evidence if they’re attacked. Based on this, it can be deduced that people often assume women will need to protect themselves at some point in their lives.
Sadly, many men take to social media, dismissing the genuine fears of women and others. Instead of hearing the pleas of more than half the population, they try to rationalize their behavior or insult those telling their stories, proving why the fear exists in the first place.
So, I ask you … Would you choose the man or the bear?