By Jason Ethridge
The Scene staff
Dating and sexuality can be hard subjects to talk about in public. Now imagine talking about them to a group of students with disabilities.
That’s exactly what Danielle Uding did last month on the Forest Park campus.
The sexuality education specialist with Planned Parenthood led a session called “Dating with Disabilities” in Café East. She had been invited by the DisAbilities Awareness Club.
“I want to get the word out to the student body that people with disabilities have relationships, have dates and have sex,” said club president Paige Karius, 23. “It’s not a myth. It’s a fact.”
Karius is an education major. She was born with cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around campus.
About a dozen students, mostly club members, attended the March 21 session, which was largely an open dialogue. Uding was joined by her assistant, Meridith Porter, also with Planned Parenthood of the St Louis Region and Southwest Missouri.
“Students have a right to comprehensive and age-appropriate sexuality education,” Uding said. “People with the right amount of education can make good decisions about safer sex, reproductive life planning, communication, consent … It just goes on and on.”
The session began with a discussion on common misconceptions about sexuality and people with disabilities. One is that they aren’t interested in dating or having sex. Another is that they can’t find love or develop healthy relationships with able-bodied people.
Uding easily debunked these myths with a combination of statistical evidence and real-world accounts.
Next came an examination of the difference between consent and coercion. Uding defined consent as a mutual and open agreement to engage in sexual activity, while coercion refers to someone using threats or force to make someone else act against their wishes.
Karius noted that people with disabilities can be exploited, but they also can be exploitive, just like some able-bodied people. She told of once getting in a relationship with a man who used a wheelchair like her.
“He told me everything I wanted to hear,” she said. “He told me we would move in together, that he had a ring. He basically sweet-talked me out of $3,000. I think people take advantage of me for my money. They don’t actually want to get to know me as a person.”
Several students at the session admitted to having trouble when it comes to dating. For many, the biggest challenge is simply finding someone who can accept them for who they are and cope with the challenges they face.
Karius viewed the session as a success, and others seemed pleased with the opportunity to voice their thoughts, ask questions and share experiences.
The club is planning a second session from 1 to 3 p.m. April 11 in Café East that will be a continuation of the first dialogue. Everyone is welcome, not just people with disabilities.
Education Assistant Lallie McDonald, who serves as DisAbilities Awareness Club sponsor, is hoping for a larger audience the second time around.
“We’re going to be advertising more,” she said. “We’re going to have posters around as well as flyers.”
McDonald plans to retire in June but will stay involved with the club. She believes that public events, such as “Dating with Disabilities” sessions, are a way not only to educate but to foster a better understanding between those with disabilities and others at Forest Park.
Education major Christina Hune, 37, who has a developmental disability due to complications from surgery, welcomes any effort to bridge the gap.
“We shouldn’t be turned down just because of who we are,” she said. “People should open their hearts to others and give us a chance to get to know them.”