The Scene staff
The Scene newspaper office was buzzing with reporters and photographers on the morning of Feb. 19, when we received word of breaking news on campus.
Police had taken several students into custody because of a possible gun threat. Members of our staff rushed to the cafeteria to find out what was going on.
We hadn’t even finished reporting when we heard two more students were being handcuffed outside the theater building and led away.
After all the dust settled, I finally learned what had triggered both of these incidents, and my stomach churned. Two fights had broken out on this campus within hours of each other, and both were cases of domestic violence.
According to domesticstatistics.org, a woman is assaulted or beaten every nine minutes; domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women — more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.
What’s even more tragic is that at least four women die at the hands of their abusive partners each day, the Huffington Post reports.
Pop stars Rihanna and Chris Brown made national headlines several years ago, when Brown was arrested for assaulting Rihanna. The country went into a frenzy as people fought over whose side to take.
Many jumped to Rihanna’s defense initially because the media portrayed her as a victim. However, some began defending Brown as more reports surfaced, alleging that Rihanna had actually been the aggressor.
My question is, “Does it really matter who is the aggressor?” The answer is no. It’s just as wrong for a woman to attack a man as it is for a man to attack a woman.
The reality is, love shouldn’t hurt — at least not physically. And I can almost guarantee that if something bad happens to you in a relationship, it will happen again, so be prepared.
I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but take it from someone with experience. I’ve been both a victim and perpetrator of domestic violence.
I never believed it when people told me that it would happen again. I excused the fights with my partner because often I was the aggressor. When the fights got worse, I convinced myself they would end once I stopped initiating them.
But they didn’t.
Violence became a method of control for this man. But I excused it because it didn’t happen all that much; I convinced myself he wasn’t really that bad.
That is, until I had had enough, and I mustered up the courage to walk away.
The truth is, neither of us was a healthy individual in those days. Any time you have to use your hands to express how you feel, something’s wrong. The wise thing is for both people to walk away from the dysfunctional relationship and seek help.
Obviously, my end result wasn’t death. It was wising up and realizing that I deserve better. I had to look in the mirror and literally say, “You deserve better.”
It’s also important to seek help to keep from falling back into the same relationship, or another one just as bad.
Let me tell you something: You are beautiful. You are unique. And there is somebody out there who will love you for who you are.
It doesn’t matter which person is the aggressor in cases of domestic violence. Get out of the relationship while you can. Don’t try to defend the situation by telling yourself the happy times outweigh the pain. If you do, you are lying to yourself.
Find the courage to walk away before it’s too late — before six people are carrying you away to your final resting place.